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The divorce process is never easy, but the journey will all depend on what your perspective and approach is. For some people, the divorce is gruesome and unpleasant for everyone involved because they cannot agree on anything and they harbor bitterness and resentment towards each other. There can be another way; however, by following these 10 simple steps you could the divorce process could go much smoother for you. Whether you are filing for a contested or uncontested divorce, breaking physical ties with your former spouse can cause grief, emotional stress and frustration. Although, if you and your spouse want to end on decent terms and are willing to be civil with each other, then you may be able to establish peace.
Studies have been done by psychologists on the psyche during the divorce process, and they have come up with several helpful tips that can make for a better and cleaner divorce. The first tip is to give yourself space- don't try to be friends with your former spouse too soon after the divorce. By setting rules and boundaries, the transition will be much easier and with time, you may eventually be able to establish a healthy partnership or friendship with them again.
If things aren't already ugly, you could try and pursue an uncontested divorce where both parties comply and come to an amicable agreement on the terms and conditions of the divorce. The second tip is for you and your attorney to pursue mediation before litigation whenever possible. If you and your spouse are able to resolve matters peacefully, it will be much more beneficial for your children and your family as a whole. When creating your divorce agreement, you will be asked to come up with a parenting plan that discusses matters of
custody and visitation. As the
third tip, it is encouraged that you write your parenting plan in a manner that directly addresses your children, (ex: To Ryan and Alyssa). If you write out the plan with them in the forefront of your mind, then you are more likely to put their best interests first.
The fourth helpful tip is to always write everything down, get it in writing as they say. By writing out a comprehensive plan, there will be no miscommunication, acting out, or straying from the original agreement. This is especially true in areas having to do with money such as
child support or alimony. As the
fifth tip, both parties in a divorce are encouraged to agree on how to disagree. No one is perfect, but you and your former spouse must come up with a way to handle the sensitive areas and the touchy subjects. Also think ahead and come up with solutions to possible problems and issues of conflict.
If one person does not abide by the agreement or fails to uphold their half, then the sixth helpful tip suggests that you come up with clear and concise consequences for them, a time out if you will. This way, both parties know what to expect if they break the rules. The
seventh tip is rather difficult, it is to resist old patterns or bad habits. After a divorce, you are no longer responsible for the things that your former spouse does, you no longer have to care and you are free to let go of those deep rooted issues. Try to refrain to taking up that old role of supporter and definitely be cautious of falling back into sexual relations with your former spouse. This flows directly into the
eighth tip which is to let a new relationship emerge out of the divorce. The dynamic of your relationship will change and transform to hopefully allow you to be civil partners in raising your children.
Now that you have a different family dynamic, it is also important to show your children that you still care for each other as mutual parents. That is why the ninth tip is to try and schedule family outings with the whole family present. This will help them to remember that you are a family no matter what and that they still have two parents who care very much for them. This excludes any third party member; however, if you or your former spouse has someone new in their life and there are hurt feelings of betrayal, then that third party should not be involved with the children or bring them to family events. This is the
tenth helpful tip because it can be especially confusing for them in the beginning when the divorce is still fresh, let them adjust to the changes without introducing something new to disturb the peace.
If you would like to learn more about the divorce process, speak with a Kansas City divorce attorney at the firm today.